The Perverted Legacy
by TenshiXXX
Summary: ShikaNeji. Naruto was stupid. It was undeniable, since nobody else would fail to realise that the hot chick he saw getting some action under the waterfall was actually Neji.


**Title: The Perverted Legacy**

**Rating: M/NC17**

**Genre: Romance/Humour**

**Pairings: ShikaNeji, NaruSasu**

**Summary: Naruto was stupid. It was undeniable, since nobody else would fail to realise that **

**the hot chick he saw getting some action under the waterfall was actually Neji.**

When Naruto smirked like that, it never boded well. It was always a sign that he had been getting into some mischief or another. Upon seeing that particular expression on the blond's whiskered face, Sasuke always made sure to check his house for exploding tags and other presents courtesy of his boyfriend, as Naruto didn't seem to understand that you did not attempt to maim the one you loved.

Then again, Sasuke wasn't particularly experienced in the ways of love either. But there was inexperience, and there was plain idiocy. Naruto seemed to be guilty of the latter.

Hoping against hope that Sasuke wasn't going to have to smile at some irate girl, putting his looks and poor charm to work in order to save the blond from another beating, Sasuke sighed and turned to the blond.

"What did you do, usuratonkachi?" he asked, effectively making Ino and Sakura swoon simultaneously. Despite the fact that he had came out to the whole village, claiming ownership over the blond (although Naruto contested that it was _he _who had the Uchiha's ass every night), both girls treated it as a faze that he would eventually grow out of. It struck the Uchiha as a tad desperate.

Surprisingly, Naruto didn't flare up like he usually did when Sasuke insulted him, which was a little ominous. Clearly, Naruto had been doing something extremely mischievous and probably a little dangerous. Sasuke fervently hoped that he wasn't going to have to grow a beard and lie low. He hated facial hair with a passion rivalled only by Naruto's hatred of vegetables.

"What did you do?" Sasuke repeated. He didn't take kindly to being ignored.

Naruto sniggered, a Cheshire cat grin widening until it nearly engulfed his face. Annoyed, Sasuke promptly punched him in the face, effectively putting an end to Naruto's exorbitant smile.

"What was that for?" Naruto demanded, eyeing Sasuke with an aggrieved expression and watery eyes.

"You were ignoring me," Sasuke explained, his eye ticking slightly as Naruto resumed his childish grin.

"Aww, does my wittle Sasuke need some wuving?" Naruto cooed, pouncing on the Uchiha and wrapping tanned, corded arms around Sasuke's chest.

"Let go, dobe!" Sasuke spat angrily, blushing furiously as Naruto began to rub his face against the Uchiha's back. Having had enough, Sasuke gripped Naruto's arms and literally threw him thirty feet, where he landed in a painful heap.

"Teme!" Naruto roared, stumbling to his feet as he spat clumps of dirt out.

"For the last time, dobe, _what did you do_?" Sasuke asked, casting a shifty glance around to make sure that there were no shrieking, demonic women close by.

"Alright, jeez!" Naruto whined, "If you must know, I saw something,"

"Saw something?" Sasuke asked bemusedly. Naruto grinned and wiggled his eyebrows perversely, like the time he had first asked the Uchiha if he could see Sasuke's "weapon". Oh shit.

"Something involving a man, and a woman in a certain _activity_,"

As a dribble of drool slipped out of Naruto's mouth and down his chin, Sasuke understood exactly what this _activity _entailed. With a shudder, he glanced at Ino and Sakura out of the corner of his eye, noting that they were watching eagerly, waiting to see if he would press the blond for details. To see if Sasuke was interested in women, and, by extension, them.

"Is that all?" Sasuke sneered, "You know that het stuff freaks me out, dobe,"

Naruto gaped for a long moment- until Sasuke idly wondered whether he had something on his face- then exploded.

"How can you not be interested?" Naruto bellowed, as though Sasuke had just professed the desire to become part of the legacy of Konoha's green beasts. Or whatever those two freaks were calling themselves these days.

"Maybe because I'm gay," Sasuke pointed out slowly, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. Which it was. It wasn't his fault he had very few intelligent acquaintances.

There was silence while Naruto digested that bit of information, as though it had just dawned on him that Sasuke wore eyeliner and let Naruto shove his cock up the Uchiha's ass.

"Hmph, you're no fun," the blond sulked, folding his arms petulantly.

"I'm sure," Sasuke replied dryly.

Naruto didn't reply to that one, and stood glaring at the Uchiha as though Sasuke had done something wrong. Sasuke was just about to make a condescending remark when Neji and Shikamaru arrived (late, which was strange; you could expect that from Shikamaru, but not from Neji) Both were wet, although their clothes were dry, and Neji was still wringing his hair out whilst sending Shikamaru a disgruntled look. The Nara seemed completely unperturbed by Neji's glare and lit up a cigarette with a smirk on his face.

"Sorry we were late," Neji apologised awkwardly, "We were training and lost track of time,"

"Is that what they call it nowadays?" Shikamaru said with a raised eyebrow, taking a long drag of his cigarette as Neji shot him a glare.

"It is if you don't want to sleep on the couch tonight," Neji whispered sweetly. Sasuke barely caught the words, but he understood the meaning. Interesting.

"Hey, Shikamaru!" Naruto called, bringing Sasuke's train of thought to a halt, "Guess what I just saw?"

"Iruka giving Kakashi a blowjob?" Shikamaru asked, wincing as Neji's elbow made contact with the soft flesh of his stomach.

"No," Naruto said slowly, his brow furrowed with confusion before he once again adopted a lecherous expression.

"Then what?" Shikamaru drawled, clearly bored with this conversation already.

"A hot chick getting some action under the waterfall!" Naruto wailed, flailing like a spastic bird.

The effect that simple sentence had on Neji was comical to say the least. His face went from normal to pasty to flushed in a matter of seconds, his mouth hanging open all the while.

"Oh?" Shikamaru asked, looking very pleased.

"Yeah!" Naruto said, encouraged by the Nara's smirk, "She was so loud! I could hear her above the sound of the water!"

"Really," Shikamaru said, barely containing his laugher. Sasuke, meanwhile, tried to figure out the reason for Shikamaru's and Neji's strange behaviour, trying to deny the obvious. But he was unable to find another explanation and instead was forced to recognise that Neji and Shikamaru were more than Shougi partners. Naruto, however, was never the sharpest kunai in the weapon's pouch, and didn't seem to notice that Neji's flush of embarrassment was rapidly becoming one of anger.

"That's enough, Naruto," the Hyuuga said, shakily brushing his wet hair from his eyes, "You really shouldn't be such a pervert,"

Childishly, Naruto stuck his tongue out at Neji.

"Shikamaru wants to hear about it, don't you, Shikamaru?" Naruto asked, his juvenile actions increasing his similarities with an academy student, despite the fact that he was nearly at his twentieth birthday.

"No, he doesn't," Neji ground out through gritted teeth, shooting Shikamaru a glare that probably translated to _Do it, and there's no sex for a week._

"Yes I do," the Nara said, all too brightly as he scraped his cigarette against the wall of Ichiraku to put it out, before tucking it into his weapons pouch for later, "Go on, Naruto. Tell me about this hot chick. What did she look like?"

"She had a hot ass," Naruto recalled with a lewd grin, "And her hair was...black? Brown?"

He paused for a moment, and Sakura snorted. Sasuke, for once, shared the sentiment. Trust Naruto to remember the ass, but not something as normal as hair colour.

"Anyway, it was dark-coloured," Naruto continued with a shrug, "Her skin was quite pale. Did I mention she had a hot ass?"

"Yes!" the girls shrieked, clearly annoyed and possibly a little jealous. The only person not enjoying himself in some way was Neji, who looked close to banging his head against the nearest wall.

"Well, she was a dirty bitch!" Naruto grinned, causing Neji to adopt a murderous expression.

"Why?" the Hyuuga asked coldly, his eye twitching a little.

"You should have seen her squealing and moaning as she took it up the ass!" Naruto crowed, "And the position they were in...I've never seen anyone bend that much since I saw a contortionist at the circus with Jiraiya!"

"Is that so?" Neji said, silvery veins beginning to appear around his trademark eyes; a sign that he was close to losing it. Sasuke prayed that Naruto would shut up, but apparently the idiot was a masochist. Either that, or he was dumb. Sasuke thought it was a combination of the both.

"Yeah! She let him slap her ass as they fucked! She orgasmed three times! I could tell because of the way she screamed. One time was because she was getting cum eaten out of her ass!"

Sasuke nearly choked on his own tongue at that, his black eyes seeking out Shikamaru's. The Nara looked very smug indeed. Neji, however...

"You saw that?" the Hyuuga roared, apoplectic with fury. Naruto looked a little taken aback by the ferocity in Neji's voice and backed up a little.

"Yeah! I had to stay around for the grand finale!" Naruto explained, "Look, if this is about me respecting other people's privacy-"

"It's about respecting _my _privacy, you utter moron!" Neji bellowed at him, "That was _me_! You were spying on _me _like some sort of a low life _pervert_!"

Naruto gulped as Neji advanced on him with every step. Sasuke, feeling slightly annoyed that Naruto found Neji's ass so enticing, was willing to let him sweat a little until he rescued the dobe from the wrath of the scorned Hyuuga. However, it didn't seem that the Uchiha's assistance was necessary. Neji paused as Shikamaru's hand found its way to the Hyuuga's shoulder.

"Just leave it, Neji," Shikamaru said, "Or you'll be the one informing Tsunade that she no longer has a successor,"

"I was actually thinking of ending the Uzumaki bloodline," Neji replied, sending Naruto's crotch a nod of indication. The blond screeched and covered his crotch with both hands, spitting out apologies left and right.

"Neji," Shikamaru said flatly.

"Oh, fine," Neji snapped, backing away from the blond, "But if he does it again, not even Sasuke will recognise his mutilated remains,"

The Uchiha smirked at the way Naruto paled noticeably.

"I don't doubt it," Shikamaru sniggered, kissing the Hyuuga's slim pale neck lightly.

"Shikamaru," Neji said warningly.

"Hm?" the Nara said innocently, gently kissing the same spot over and over, despite Neji's rapidly intensifying blush.

"Shikamaru!"

"Yes, Bunny?"

"...You're sleeping on the couch,"

"No, I'm not,"

"And why is that?"

"Because you made a bet during our most recent Shougi match that, if I won, you wouldn't put me on the couch for a month,"

Neji had nothing to say to that, apparently, although the fact that he hadn't kicked Shikamaru's ass was indicative that he wasn't as angry as he was trying to appear.

Sasuke was relieved that Naruto wasn't going to die early, and promised himself that he was going to have a serious talk with Naruto about the perverted legacy he seemed to have inherited from Jiraiya. Or beat the shit out of the dobe. That sounded more fun.

However, Sasuke's relief was short-lived.

"Shikamaru, my _man_!" Naruto grinned, raising his hand to high five the Nara, "You've got some skills! I can't believe that you had _Hyuuga Neji_ screaming like a slut,"

The last thing Naruto saw before it all went black was the aforementioned Hyuuga's fist coming towards his face. And he dimly wondered whether or not Neji had just hit him harder than Sakura had ever managed to.

........................................................................................................................................................

As you've probably guess, I'm a little hyper at the moment, even if I am feeling a little worse for wear. This idea hit me like a freight train when I was watching Moon Child, although I have no idea where it came from; this has no connection with the story. Sorry, to disappoint you, but there's no hot love scene between Sho and Kei (Gackt and Hyde) in Moon Child.

No matter how much we wish it was so T_T

Ja ne, all!

TenshiXXX


End file.
